SLOW DOWN

I'm an all hands kind of person. I cook, I do art, I write, I knit, etc. That said, my left hand is in a cast and my thumb is out of commission. In reality it isn't all that bad, but I have slowed down what I do. The great thing is that I am mostly right handed and I have time to do all kinds of art now. Hooray!

HAIR

Who would have thought about the insulating properties of hair! I didn't notice it so much in the summer when the days and nights were warm, in fact it was nice to have a cool head. However, once winter set in and the nights became warm and the furnace kept it at barely the temperature on the thermostat, I quickly noticed that bald head plus cool air equals very cold human. Hats became my constant companion. Once Chemotherapy was completed my hair began to slowly grow back. When I returned to the doctor for my three month followup he mentioned that my hair was growing back very slowly. Well, that didn't discourage me one bit, because I had noted that even though my hair was pretty short, I was beginning to feel the insulating properties of hair again. Hair is like a sweater for your head, even if it is only 3/4 inches long. I still wear hats outdoors, but I am once again a little warmer. Thanks be to HAIR!

Thanks be to Chemo and to God, as my tumors have all disappeared!

I've been doing abstract acrylic paintings lately. The first set of canvases that I did were an excercise in minimalism: I used only one color and white or matte medium and one brush. It was amazing how this stretched my abilities as I am a color-holic. It made me really reach inside to find my own emotions to put onto the surface. By the time I had done four paintings I was really sick of that color, but really awed by the variety it provided. I think that perhaps future paintings with color will be more expressive than before. Now I'm working on what I call the "Rock Series". I found some really neat rocks at the beach that have possessed me and I want to paint the feeling that they have created within me.

I have said for a long time that my goal in painting or calligraphy is to evoke emotion within the indivicual. Perhaps the emotion will be of a long forgotten event, or of something that is a twinkling of a remembrance, but I want to be able to bring out the deep emotion within human beings. I think we are all made of and react to emotion in our lives and to tap that inner resource is my goal.

Who would have ever thought that my writing life would come to a point where I have three books cooking on the fire. I have been writing on a regularly scheduled basis and I continue to add pages every day. This is a new first for me.

As an aside, our friend Harry was visiting town on business and called to say hello. We ended up going out to dinner with him. A spontaneous and spirited dinner discussion ensued and we enjoyed it so much.

Adjustment in Attitude

Anything new in life requires an adjustment of attitude. If you marry, you have to adjust your attitude to compromise and make a good life with your spouse. If you have a child, you make a lot of adjustments, like getting up several times in the night to care for your new bundle of joy. If you get cancer, you make adjustments, too. For me it has been learning that every cycle of Chemotherapy has its ups and downs and also learning to look at the benefits of Chemo - first of which is shrinking of tumors. Tagging along after that is *no acne, *no shaving of legs, *no bed hair, *easy showers, *no bothering with hair in the morning. Those few things give me a lot more time to sleep every day. In all seriousness, I have found that if I can look at the good side of things during this time, it keeps me in good spirits. I try to find one small miracle in every day. Occasionally it is the same miracle,but hey, miracles are worth repeating!

Dreams and a Change in Venue

It has occurred to me that my initial desire to write about the artistic life has been a bit interrupted and some of my writing will now be about cancer and living with cancer. However, today I want to want to write about dreaming about art. It happens once in a while for me and is sometimes very intense. A few days ago I dreamed about a piece that I will do. The dream created the piece in its entirety with specific detail and color. I was amazed at the ease of concept within the dream. Conceptualizing a piece is sometimes the hardest work an artist does. In this dream it was already present, and now in real life it is already prepared for me. The only thing that the dream didn't specify was the medium. So, as my artist sister-in-law says, perhaps it is a series. I am thankful for this art activity, even if it is in my dream life. It means my creative spirit is still alive and shouting. With cancer it is sometimes difficult to remember what else you did with your life before cancer hit. Remembering in a dream is a great encouragement.

Sleep

It is amazing to me how much sleep is required to heal. Today was about one thing: healing.

Who Would Have Guessed

It has been a long time since my last post. I've been busy, just not with the art kind of life I enjoy so much. We have been on a couple of trips, totaling about 7,000 miles in driving miles. In the middle of all of it I was diagnosed with cancer - follicular lymphoma to be specific. I had a pretty intensive surgery to retrieve one of the tumors and ended up with a seven inch incision on my abdomen. It didn't heal well, so we packed it with sterile gauze for two months. The first part of July saw me again in the hospital to have a Port line placed in preparation for chemotherapy. I have had three sessions of Chemo now.

Nothing that I know in this world could prepare me for what chemotherapy is like. Most of all it is extremely tiring. Of course, that was one of the early symptoms for me - profound fatigue. The vomiting thing is pretty well controlled with drugs, and then more drugs to keep my white count up, and more drugs to stop the constant intestinal irritation.

When I began this journey I woke up one morning wondering, "What is the job description for fighting cancer?" Text will follow on further installations.

The important thing to me in this passage, if that is what it might be called, is that I intend to arrive on the other side of it a better person, more alive than I have ever been in my life and completely cured. I will not be beat!